Why I Reset My Instagram Feed

I’ve been struggling with my stance on social media lately, and it has really caused me to pause and reflect. 

There are days that I question the point to it all, want to say “good riddance” and delete all of my accounts. What’s the point? 

Every time it’s been on my mind, someone will reach out and express how much a blog post or a photo of the kids brightened their day or helped them in some way.

Well jeez; make me blush, and change my mind. Maybe it’s not such a waste of time if God can use it to lift another person up?

I’ve also been paying attention to a lot of other blogger feeds. To me, they all look relatively the same. They’re bright, professional looking, and many have gone through excessive editing and filtering to look crisp, clean, and flawless. 

Do NOT get me wrong here- those photos are BEAUTIFUL. It’s a modern art form, really, and I have all the respect in the world for the artists that create them. 

But if I’m being totally honest? They don’t always make me feel all that great. I see moms with cuter messy buns (seriously, how do ya’ll pull that off?! Mine make me look like a Who from Whoville), flawless skin, stylish “lazy day” outfits, and what looks like pretty put-together lives. Meanwhile, my pajamas don’t match, I have a postpartum acne breakout that won’t quit, my house is a mess, my hair is greasy, and my kids haven’t been bathed in a week. 

My suspicion is that I’m not in the minority here- and that’s when the lightbulb in my conviction lit up. 

I have deleted nearly all of my past Instagram photos (I’ve kept a few that highlight blog posts), and from now on the snapshots I share of our life and home will be untouched. 

Unfiltered. Unedited. Totally honest. Much like the way I write on my blog. 

I am a modern day stay-at-home-mom, and I’m just going to keep it REAL. 

*disclaimer: some Instagram photos featuring blog posts or professionally taken family photographs may contain edited photos. The day-to-day will remain unedited. 

**any black and white photos were taken in black and white and remain unedited. I just really like black and white photos sometimes 😉

To My Fellow Mothers.

I tried with all my might to stop the tears of sleep deprivation from flowing, but I could not. Perhaps I would have better luck had I tried to stop the raging waters of Niagra Falls from crashing into the lake below.  

My dinner lay cold on the counter, awaiting the witching hour to pass. 

I rocked and I bounced and I sushed; I simultanously filled my two year old’s milk cup for the third time since she woke up from nap. 

I don’t need much. I don’t want much, either. 

However, sometimes I would like to take a shower that I don’t rush through in fear of being needed; where I don’t feel as though I have to choose between shaving my armpits OR my legs- heaven knows there’s never time for both, and many times neither. 

Sometimes it would be nice to eat a hot meal from start to finish, and not have to share it with my sweet toddler (though I must admit I’m lucky that she’ll eat ANYTHING we are eating too). 

Sometimes I would like to pick up and go someplace I want to go, when I want to go. No loading and unloading of children into car seats, no checklist of snacks (bribes), milk cups and diapers to be grabbed for the diaper bag, and no waiting or rushing to accomodate nap times, nursing sessions and meltdowns. 

And then there’s the guilt. Did I mention the guilt? There he is, crying in the infant swing while I get my eldest her dinner. It’s only a few minutes, and I know he’s fine… Yet my heart aches because I know he will never have the same amount of undivided attention that my daughter received for two whole years. 

On the other hand, he is just a tiny newborn whom requires a majority of my attention and relies on me for nourishment. I don’t quite grasp just how much attention I’ve given him until I hand him to someone else, only to have that sweet daughter of mine practically run into my arms the second she notices they’re empty. She clings to me so tightly during these times, and my heart shatters when I realize she misses me, despite being around me all day long. 

This is motherhood. And it’s the hardest, sweetest, most important responsibility I’ve ever been entrusted with. 

Through the tears of fatigue and self doubt, I find myself overwhelmed with joy and unworthiness. How did I get so lucky that I get to raise these precious beings? I wouldn’t trade this job for the world. 

After several weeks the fog of this new season lifts and we start to find our rhythm. Old challenges are put to rest and new challenges will continue to rise as each stage quickly comes, and even more quickly passes. 

They say life is but a vapor. If this is true, then you can imagine how quickly just this fragment of that vapor disappears. 

In the days of weariness, there is joy. What better gift does God give us on this earth aside from love? 

My gosh- love. The love I have for my children is a love that makes my heart literally feel as if it might burst. 

Surely this feeling- the feeling of my heart overflowing and yet moments where I want to lock myself in the bathroom and cry because this job is just too hard and I am not enough; surely that feeling is relatively universal.

I meditate on these moments of overwhelming love in the midst of the all encompassing responsibility, and I find a deeper appreciation for my own mother.  I’m more aware of how she loves me without abandon; how I’m sure her heart ached for me when I experienced hurts of all kinds over the years; how I frustrated her and wore her down; the fatigue and and tears I’m certain I caused; of the times she felt like maybe she wasn’t enough- and how she loved me all the more through it all. 

I assume these things are true, because I am experiencing them firsthand. 

To all of the moms out there- biological, adopted, mothers who have lost, and mother-figures… there is no one this side of heaven that loves the way you love. In the moments that the tears fall, that patience thins, and that failure roars it’s ugly head- know this:

This Mother’s Day, we celebrate you; tears and failures and all.  You are more than enough, and your unconditional love deserves to be acknowledged. I pray you are blessed and filled with joy immeasurable in the seemingly mundane moments of motherhood, and that you know that YOU. ARE. AMAZING. ❤️

Mommy Has A Sweet Tooth

Transparent moment: aside from the forbidden, I don’t give myself many eating rules while pregnant. Don’t get me wrong- I do eat healthy things; but if baby wants fries or sugar, baby gets fries or sugar. Being pregnant is hard enough- so I enjoy the little things. 

The only HUGE flaw with this is that those foods are ridiculously addictive. 

I’m also a breastfeeding mom, so my appetite is unsatiable. Guess what’s easy to eat? 

These two things make losing baby weight less than ideal. It struck me that I needed to make a change when my natural weight loss plateaued (normal), then I gained 5lbs in less than a week (not normal). 

I’m just not about deprivation. Deprivation leads to binging, in my case. I COULD try a supplement that promises to kick my cravings, and it may actually work- but sometimes I like my cravings. 😉 

That, and I tend to stick with what I know. 

SO- I switched up my indulgences a bit. They aren’t necessarily free of sugar, nor are they all gluten free or vegan; I’m not that crunchy and I don’t have any health reasons to go that route… BUT take a look at my five favorites; one just might work for you!! 

*Stating the obvious here, but you don’t have to be pregnant or breastfeeding to enjoy these alternatives. 

**Some of these are from previous posts: click the links to see the recipes! Others aren’t even original to me, but sometimes it’s nice to be reminded of the basics. 

  1. Oatmeal Banana Cookies – Three ingredients. Loads of yumminess. [Recipe]
  2. Decadent Greek Yogurt – This is my current favorite. I eat it almost every night! One serving of coconut greek yogurt (I like Simply Balanced brand), fresh or frozen strawberries or blueberries (or whatever fruit you want), and a drizzle of chocolate syrup. Dark chocolate is my favorite, but Hershey’s also has a simply 5 line that only has five ingredients. I’m drooling. I wish I was kidding. 
  3. Trail Mix – This is pretty straightforward and basic, but we make our own simple mix pretty often. It’s a sweet and salty way to get some nuts and dried fruit into our diet and I still get to enjoy some chocolate. Toss it all together in a ziplock and grab a handful whenever convenient. 
  4. Kettle Corn– Popcorn is low calorie and is full of fiber, whole grains and antioxidants. I like kettle corn, specifically, because it’s both sweet and salty. (Note that unlike plain popcorn, sugar and salt are added- I mean, it IS still a treat). 
  5. Protein Bites – So easy and versatile to make, much like trail mix. I love that I can mix it up using whatever I have on hand, which keeps it from getting boring. Check out this pumpkin spice variety I made last fall! [Recipe]

I always love a new idea- what’s your go-to (mostly) guiltless indulgence? 

Husband of the year 

You may have read our son’s birth story a few posts back (check out the link if you haven’t!); but the story isn’t over. 

As it turns out, my husband is the gutsiest person you could ever meet. And I, the most amazing wife.

*insert patting of own back, here*

Let me tell you the story… 

We were sitting in triage, awaiting the midwife to check my dilation and decide whether or not to send us home. My husband was killing time on social media. As he’s scrolling through Facebook, he notices a post in our neighborhood group about a dog that needs to be rehomed. As an added bonus, it happens to be a purebread Doberman puppy (with papers) and the rehoming fee was minimal. 

He began to converse with the people rehoming the dog and is quickly smitten with the idea of adopting the fur baby. 

He, being the wise man that he is, tells me all about what he has found and expresses his desire to adopt this puppy; in between my contractions, of course. 

OH WAIT. Did we forget about that already?! 

Yes. This conversation is happening WHILE I’m in labor. 

I sincerely wish I was kidding. I still can’t believe this was even a conversation. 


As the waves of excruciating pain come and go, I communicate that he has obviously lost his mind since we are having our second child that very day, and will have a newborn and a toddler at home within another two days.  

He argues that our current dog will need a playmate, and wouldn’t it be great if each of our kids had their own dog?

Oh! Well when you put it that way…


Along with making a few death threats, I warn him to drop the subject and focus on the task at hand. 

So of course he heeds my warning and starts suggesting names for the dog. 

What a catch. 

If looks could kill, the ones I was giving him would kill a cat. All nine times. 

Then the bartering begins. He tells me I can have anything I want. I won’t lie- this intrigues me. Permission to manipulate? Might as well explore the possibilities. Then again… I would still have to let him get the dang dog. 

I am now in the late stages of labor, and he’s still talking about it, despite my terrifyingly harsh and descriptive demands that he stop. 

I yell for his attention and assistance in coping through labor, and he shows me a video of the dog playing. 

*pause for blank stare and dramatic effect*

Oh? What’s this? They just want her to go to a good home so they’re waving the rehoming fee? Lovely. 

We are now within minutes of it being time to push. The anticipation is high and my body is tense; we are ready to have this baby!!

He interrupts- “Hey babe? I just need to let you know that they need an answer by tonight, and that we would need to bring her home by the end of the week”.  (This is at 6:30pm. So yeah… We’ll come up with a decision as our baby slides out of my body. No big deal). 

The visions I had of what I wanted to do to him at that moment… Are violent. 

You just can’t make this stuff up. 

But here is what I will say:

I decided to let him get the dog. 

Call it crazy. It is. 

But I let him. Sometimes you need to let a man be a man and make his own mistakes. 

We brought her home the day after we brought our son home. To be totally honest, I absolutely loved her. She was the sweetest dog you’ll ever meet and would have been a great fit for our family; but only if the timing was different. 

Unfortunately we had to find a different family for her within four days. It was quickly realized by all that the training the puppy still needed took far too much time away from our newborn son (we all know the newborn stage goes by quickest of all), she was relatively terrified of our toddler, her care wasn’t practical with hubby’s work schedule; and ironically our current dog TOLERATED the pup, at best. Not exactly the playmate we thought she wanted- turns out we’re the only pack she needs. 

Moral of the story? Don’t question your wife on ANYTHING while she’s in labor, and don’t adopt a dog the same week you bring home your newborn. 

On the bright side, I got to hear my favorite phrase…

“You were right” 😊

*for what it’s worth, my husband DID read and approve this post. I’m not horribly mean. 😉 but it’s a 100% true story*

Wrong Worry

When I was pregnant with my son, I felt bad that he was lacking the attention that my daughter got when I was pregnant with her. I began to worry and feel the guilt of all the attention he would not experience, being that he was our second child. I thought about all of the constant snuggles and cuddles I got with my daughter as an infant, and how I wouldn’t have the time to give him the same. I worried he wouldn’t feel the same amount of love that she felt. 

Fast forward nine months. As it turns out, I didn’t need to worry so much about him- I fell instantly in head-over-heels-love the second I saw his face, exactly as I did with my daughter. I wasn’t worried about having enough love for both of them, though. I could not (and still can not) get enough of him. Believe me when I tell you, he gets A LOT of cuddles. I guess I did not need to worry about him getting enough attention, afterall. 

What I did not expect was that my daughter would be the one pining for my attention. Talk about a shattered mom-heart when your first born is begging to be held by you all day long. 

So of course, I begin to worry about how the attention I’m giving him, as a needy newborn does require, is effecting HER. The tables have turned. How can I explain to a two year old that I still love her just as much as I did before? Will she understand that this phase will pass and things will even out? I worried that SHE no longer felt the amount of love that I have for her. 

I read a blog post on Boston Moms Blog (shared by Twin Cities Moms Blog) that said everything I was feeling better than I could- you can read it here. (I am not affiliated with TCMB or BMB and am not compensated for sharing this post- it just REALLY resonated with me and reassured me). 

This was a turning point for me. I cut myself some slack and reflected on those first several weeks of being a mom of two. What I found in that time of reflection was major conviction. I realized that as a Christian, my worries for either child were wrong to begin with. 

It was wrong to worry.  

2 Timothy 1:7 (KJV)

7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Philippians 4:6-7  (NIV)

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Umm. HELLO, SELF!! I know this! Yet why is it that it’s so easy to forget- and even harder to apply? 

In my church life group, we’ve been talking a lot about obedience to God, and how blessings will overflow when we’re abiding in it. This surely applies in this situation. 

See- if I had been obedient to God’s command that I should not fear or be anxious, then I would not have wasted so much time and energy trying to make sure each child felt equally loved. Instead, I could have quieted my mind, given my worry to HIM, and let my immense love for my children flow naturally and without stress; I could have set control aside and allowed and trusted God to fill the depths of their little hearts when I inevitably fall short. 

How often do you worry and stress about things that you ultimately have little control over in your own life? How much love each of my children feel is hardly the only area in my life that I am guilty of not letting God do His thing. 

Know this:

He loves you. 

He loves the people you love. 

He knows your cares. 

He knows your worries. 

Give it to Him. 

He will take care of you. 

1 Peter 5:7 (NLT)

“Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.”

Matthew 6:25-27 (NIV)

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?”