Mother: a fancy word for naptime NINJA. 

I consider myself quite stealthy when it comes to keeping quiet during naptime. It’s an art, really. Keeping that baby asleep is my mission and priority; everyone is happier when the baby is well rested! 

Sound familiar, moms? Yes, I said moms. Most dads I know have the ability to be quiet as a BOMB during naps! Sorry babe, it’s true. I often go to great, sometimes ridiculous lengths to keep my sweet, sleeping baby asleep. How many of these can you relate to? 

• I know every single creek in the floor, and map out my steps accordingly. It’s like I’m not even there. 
• I know which doors to leave open, which to close, and which to leave ajar to a specific point. 
• I know when the mailman comes and to keep the dog far away during that time. 
• I hold my breath when an ambulance/police car/motorcycle zooms past our house (as if me holding my breath would make a difference). 
• I can open and close the toilet seat without making a sound, and would never be crazy enough to flush it. 
• I also keep hand sanitizer nearby so I don’t have to run the water next to her room. 
• During road trips, I will hold my urge to pee for THREE hours because she’s sleeping so peacefully (yes, that actually happened, followed by me finally going at a gas station WHILE holding her as I high as I could while I went, because I was alone and had no other choice. Hah!!). 
• I will choose my snacks according to their noise factor. Chips bag? Not a chance. If I need to use the fridge or microwave, I can open and close them quietly and will ALWAYS stop the microwave before it beeps. 
• I know to shut off all motion activated noisy toys BEFORE she goes down. Rookie mistake when I forget. 
• I can hear the tv just fine at ridiculously low levels. 
• My phone is almost always on silent. 
• I will sit in the car for 30 minutes, parked in the garage, because she fell asleep a block away from home. 

These are just a few of my favorites. What crazy things have YOU done to not wake the baby?